We all know these people, the superfans. The ultimate band enthusiasts who follow their favorite groups on tour or see them as many times as humanly possible on the rare occasion they hit the road, willing to mortgage houses and max out credit cards because each show might be The Show. (And if you ask them, each show IS The Show. “You shoulda been there, maaaan.”) Now, these superfans also tend to have a strange and obnoxious shared habit of, how shall I say, overly familiar address of their chosen icon. That is, they call their favorite musicians by their first names.
Dave Matthews Band is just “Dave.”
The Trey Anastasio Band is just “Trey.”
Taylor Swift is “Taylor.”
Britney Spears is “Britney,” though to be entirely fair, she did once sing, “it’s Britney, bitch,” so maybe that’s her preferred form of address.
Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez are just “Demi” and “Selena” respectively, which rankles because the only Selena in my book was the Tejano superstar.
Jimmy Buffett becomes “Jimmy” while Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band is “Bruce,” or rather a resounding, “Bruuuuuuce,” if I’m being entirely factual.
And every member of every boyband ever before and since Justin Timberlake has simply been called their first names – or in the case of certain bands, a mashup of a few first names. Because shipping coworkers seems like a normal thing in our culture now.
Now, I realize that these artists, deep down, are just regular people* who, in all likelihood, probably do occasionally get called their given name… by their parents, and their friends, and like, the guy at the deli who knows how they like their organic, free-range capicola sliced or whatever. Not you, superfan, not you.
Listen, I know listening to an artist, stanning an artist, doing whatever it is you do on Twitter and with fanfic makes you feel a certain amount of familiarity with the person and their work. That said, you’re not Dave’s brah, brah. And no, if you ask me if I’m “going to Dave,” the answer is always no, even if I might have tickets to see the Dave Matthews Band.
*Except Miss Swift. I really doubt she’s a regular person; point of fact, I suspect she might be a pod person, as her navel is almost exclusively missing in action.