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My fellow music listeners, the state of our reunion is pretty poor. Out of all of the bands I said should go on tour again in the previous two posts, only one has actually managed to do it. Let's check out the record.

The Track Record

  • Led Zeppelin: No
  • ABBA: No
  • Pink Floyd: No, though they did release a new album last year.
  • Queen: Yes, with Adam Lambert.
  • Oasis: No
  • 'NSync: No, but they had a performance at 2013 MTV VMAs.
  • Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince: No, but they had a one-off reunion on a 2013 episode of the Graham Norton Show in the UK.
  • Nirvana: No, but some members performed during the band's 2014 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction.
  • Creedence Clearwater Revival: No
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Madonna Needs to Bare Her Claws

The following is a guest article by Doris Schmidt.

Madonna

"More material, girl!"

That was critics' best advice to Madonna as she flashed her thong-enhanced bottom and exposed acres of bustier-boosted cleavage on the red carpet at the Grammy Awards on Feb. 8. When she took the stage to perform “Living for Love,” the grande dame of pop music seemed to be up to her old tricks: Fishnet stockings? Check. Horned, bare-chested dancers? Check. Levitation? Check.

What could be wrong with that? Madonna was playing the provocateur, as she has done so well for more than three decades. But that was precisely the problem. After all, this was the diva known as Madonna, Mother of Reinvention. She’s been praised by music magazines and marketing gurus alike for her quick-change artistry; the Los Angeles Times even named her "the world’s most famous chameleon."

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The Worst Lyrics of 2013

The following is a guest article by Jason Kane.

Lyrics Thumbdown

2013 is coming to a close, which makes many look back on what an astounding year it has been. Great Britain welcomed a new prince, the Catholic Church welcomed a new Pope, and the world said goodbye to Nelson Mandela and Margaret Thatcher.

Pop culture had its share of highs and lows as well. From Miley Cyrus twerking on stage to the sad loss of Cory Monteith, it was a year we will never forget. Likewise, the year introduced song lyrics that will haunt us forever.

Worst Pop Lyrics

It's My Party - Jessie J

"Don't you get tired of being rude. / Aw, come on and give me a hug, dude."

The catchy pop song, "It's My Party," features a number of cringe-worthy lyrics, with the most egregious example appearing in the first verse. It's no "Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes after," but it is close.

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Full disclosure: I'm already a big Beyoncé fan. Waking up last Friday to see that Beyoncé had released a new album felt a little bit like an early Christmas gift. No promotion, no warning; Bey had basically put the album in my stocking with a wink and a nod. At that, I'd have been pleased even if the album was just okay.

But it's not. It's better than okay; it's pretty incredible. I wanted to give it some time before I tried to review it because I knew I was riding so high off of the shock element... and the fact that her new album was finally here. But even after the surprise elements fade away, I haven't been able to turn this record off. The only other albums this year that have been like that for me have been Janelle Monae's The Electric Lady and Jay Z's Magna Carta... Holy Grail — so Bey is in good company.

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Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP Lacks in Substance, Stacked in Production

The following is a guest article by Sam Lowy.

Lady Gaga image

Lady Gaga has turned herself into one of the most iconic pop stars of our generation. There really is no debating the fact that Gaga is one of the most diverse and entertaining celebrities in the media. Known for her commentary on pop culture and the "fame monster," Lady Gaga has been one of the few celebs to turn the entertainment community on its head. Her past albums, which have all been huge successes, have all had a similar theme regarding such matters, but with her newest release, ARTPOP, has the controversial artist finally beaten the horse dead?

With her debut single of the record, "Applause," Gaga continues her satirical commentary of fame, stating she "live[s] for the applause," and "the way that [we] cheer and scream" for her, and while the song is somewhat catchy, in the end it really just seems to fall flat. Without any truly deep or inspiring lyrics, the listener is left with an instrumental track that is, again, lacking of any real substance. The song is honestly quite weak on all accounts and is just a regurgitation of past Gaga themes of fame and culture.

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