Following Taylor Swift's insult of two of my heroines, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I needed a pick-me-up yesterday. (Seriously, man, Tina and Amy are pretty much the most likable people ever and now Taylor and I are never, ever, ever getting back together. Tim says Taylor is now on his dunzo list. This is serious stuff. But Amy's response was on point and perfect as usual, restoring everyone's faith in humanity.)
Thankfully, Iron Man/Robert Downey Jr. came to the rescue, as usual. The official "Iron Man 3" trailer was released yesterday and it. looks. awesome.
An army of new suits! A new villain! Don Cheadle! People falling out of airplanes! Tony's desire to protect Pepper! Slow-motion explosions! Revenge! What more can you ask for? The only thing I'm unimpressed by is at 0:56 in the trailer some guy is using a flip phone to take a video.
I mean... who still uses a flip phone? Oh well, I'm willing to let it slide because everything else looks so great. April 25, where are you?
This week we’re impressed with some superhuman basketball skills, moms dancing, and singing goats. Things keep getting weirder.
NBA player Stephen Curry, of the Golden State Warriors, scored a whopping 54 points against the Knicks at Madison Square Garden this week. According to Mercury News, Curry joined "an elite group" of players who have scored 50 or more points at Madison Square Garden. What's even more impressive is that the night before this performance he put up 38 points against the Indiana Pacers. I’m lucky if I can make one basket, and that’s at Chuck E. Cheese, so I’m majorly impressed.
If you didn’t catch the Grammy awards Sunday — maybe because you were still digging yourself out of mountains of snow, if you live in New England, or maybe because you were watching the long-awaited return of "The Walking Dead" (like me) — don’t stress. Here are some of the highlights:
Taylor Swift opened the show with visuals reminiscent of "Alice in Wonderland." But the thing people really care about is that she supposedly made a jab at her ex-boyfriend, One Direction’s Harry Styles. During the song’s breakdown, she says, “So he calls me up and he’s like, ‘I still love you,’ and I’m like, ‘I’m sorry, I’m busy opening up the Grammys.’” Supposedly, she uses a British accent for the guy’s voice — as you probably know, Harry Styles is British. In addition to Swift, performers included Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake; Mumford and Sons; Alicia Keys and Maroon 5; The Black Keys; Kelly Clarkson; Bruno Mars/Rihanna/Ziggy Marley/Sting (in a Bob Marley tribute); Carrie Underwood; Fun.; Ed Sheeran and Elton John; Frank Ocean… there were a lot of performances, OK?
What people wore
Prior to Sunday’s event, a "Wardrobe Advisory" sent to attendees regarding the evening’s dress code was leaked. The memo asked female celebrities to make sure their bodies were "adequately covered." Obviously what people wear is always a big part of award shows, but all I really care about are two. One, Adele, who always wears black, decided to change it up and rock a red and pink floral dress — and she looked amazing! Also, everyone loves Adele, and she has an adorable accent, and she’s so pretty and talented that she could probably wear a paper bag and people would talk about it. Two, Carrie Underwood wore, like, the prettiest projection screen ever!
Beyonce was there; so was Jennifer Lopez’s leg. Frank Ocean won best urban contemporary album, and Chris Brown didn’t stand for him despite the audience’s standing ovation because the two got into a fight a few weeks back or something. Prince presented Record of the Year. Faith Hill has braces. Rihanna and Chris Brown attended together. Katy Perry wore a revealing dress; Ellen Degeneres appreciated it. And I’m getting old. This is not a highlight of the Grammy’s so much as it’s news to me because, for some of the artists at the show, all I could really muster was a "who?" Soon I’ll probably be telling people to get off my lawn.
What did you think of this year’s Grammy awards?
This week we’re into collectively stepping into a music time machine, the end of that-couple-that-we-thought-would-last-forever, and hockey is kind of, almost, back.
Old artists, new music
If I told you Destiny’s Child and Justin Timberlake were both releasing a new song, you’d probably think we were somewhere around 2004, and that the world had not yet experienced the famous Super Bowl XXVIII Justin Timberlake/Janet Jackson controversy. But you’d be wrong — both artists announced yesterday that they’d be releasing new music, and the world collectively danced to "Rock Your Body" and "Survivor," because why not? Justin Timberlake linked us to a website that counts down till the release of his next single, while Beyonce, Kelly Rowland, and Michelle Williams will release their second compilation album called "Love Songs" with a new song on it . This mostly means nothing to people who weren't a huge fan of music in the mid-2000s, but for the rest of us, it’s like the music goddesses have been listening to our prayers and delivered.
Let me start by saying I’m a massive fan of bubblegum pop music. A few days ago, I admitted to my co-workers that I got tickets to see the Backstreet Boys for Christmas, and that I was un-ironically excited to attend the show. (I went, by the way, and IT WAS AWESOME.) I effectively obliterated whatever “cool” points I’d amassed (none) in my unabashed love for awful pop songs.
That said, I’ve never gotten on the Taylor Swift train. Like, ever.
At least not until her latest two singles. But I’m so in love with "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" and "Trouble" that I just went ahead and bought her latest album. Millions of others can’t be wrong, right?
Regardless of how you feel about "Red," it’s shattered records for album sales, garnered the star a boatload of money, is one of the hottest concert tours, and, yes, falls victim to some awesomely-bad pop lyric tropes.
To be fair, pop music is never intended to actually be deep. It’s supposed to be fun! It’s that in being fun, half the time the song lyrics are nonsense, and the other half of the time they’re embarrassingly bad. But the good kind of bad. Let’s start with a few from country queen Taylor, shall we?
The lyric: Loving him was red/Yeah, yeah, red/We're burning red/And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head/Comes back to me, burning red/Yeah, yeah/His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
The verdict: Taylor will not be winning awards for her metaphors anytime soon.