Pumpkin is the new bacon? Not a chance.

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Since the fall season began several weeks ago, people across the country started getting pumpkin crazy. Not just in the normal pies and other baked goods, but in coffees, milkshakes, beers, ice cream, etc. I immensely enjoy the pumpkin coffee from Dunkin' Donuts, so put me down as an overall fan of the pumpkin craze. BUT, where I draw the line is people calling pumpkin the new bacon (as evidenced here, here, here and here).

Let me be clear: pumpkin is not, and never will be, on the same playing field as bacon.

REASON #1: Pumpkin is seasonal, bacon is forever (hopefully)

From September through the months of autumn, pumpkin is seen everywhere. But in the winter, spring, and summer, pumpkin goes into hibernation. Bacon is something that you can enjoy from the day you start consuming solid foods, until the day you die. The only issue is the looming shortage of bacon in the coming years, a.k.a. the porkpocalypse.

REASON #2: Pumpkin needs assistance to be good—bacon can stand alone

Pumpkin pie, pumpkin coffee, pumpkin ice cream. All delicious. All featuring other ingredients that help them taste better. Bacon just needs bacon to be good. Would you ever just eat a big spoonful of pumpkin? Obviously not.

REASON #3: Pumpkin is a fruit; therefore by rule, it can't be better than bacon

Before you question it, yes, pumpkin is technically a fruit. I looked it up.

That being said, no fruit or vegetable can be considered on par with bacon. FACT: foods that are unhealthy taste better than things that are healthy for you. Why do you think people add all that sugar, butter or cream to pumpkin products? It makes them taste better!

CLOSING ARGUMENT: Bacon makes pumpkin better; Pumpkin does NOT make bacon better

When looking at pumpkin vs. bacon, there is only one argument you truly need: which would enhance the flavor of the other? And the answer is obvious. Bacon can make pumpkin better, but pumpkin would not do the same for bacon. Take pumpkin pie for example. It tastes great, but crumble some bacon on top and its phenomenal. There is no bacon product improved by pumpkin. None. Case closed.

So, in conclusion, no matter how popular pumpkin may become, bacon will always be there to show everyone who is boss.

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Comments (2) -

EMACK said...

Bravo Tim, Bravo.  I can't say that I could agree anymore.  I too am partial to some pumpkin coffee or the occasional scoop of pumpkin ice cream.  And, well, it wouldn't be thanksgiving without a nice big piece of Pumpkin Pie....but to compare it with the best thing on earth is ludicrous. In my eyes comparing Bacon to Pumpkin like comparing a Friday night to a Monday morning.  I like both - one is fun and one earns me money (to buy bacon), but they are two very very different beasts.  I mean Friday night activities could certainly spice up a Monday morning, but no stack of paperwork is going to make your Friday night any better.  Am I wrong?  I think not.

In addition to the fact that Bacon makes everything better, it is also something that extremely universal...it doesn't matter what time of day it is or what meal you are having...you can have bacon "in the raw" (clearly when I say that I mean cooked crispy, not actually raw, but rather just standing alone) with anything, on anything, or even by itself.  Furthermore, if you add bacon to something - anything really - that normally you wouldn't have bacon with, it makes it better - and not surprisingly, people usually get pretty excited about this unexpected addition to a standard recipe.  It goes with savory treats, it goes with sweet treats, and it goes especially well with nothing. And lets not forget to mention the fact that bacon is so good it actually makes you mouth start watering the second you smell it.  No, seriously, it's so ridiculously addicting that many times while cooking it you run the risk of getting burned with splattering oils because you just can't stay away from the salty goodness.  When's the last time you got injured from a pumpkin product while cooking because it smelled soooooooooooooooo good you just couldn't stay away?!  That's right, never.

At the end of the day I think it's pretty obvious that everything, including your own mouth, tastes better when bacon is involved.  


November 14, 2012 at 3:43 PM

Mike said...

I like Turkey sandwiches. A lot. But whenever bacon is available, I add it. Instantly that sandwich is at least 10 times better. I don't even think I'd be pushing it by saying it's 100 times better.

November 14, 2012 at 5:16 PM