Let me start by saying I’m a massive fan of bubblegum pop music. A few days ago, I admitted to my co-workers that I got tickets to see the Backstreet Boys for Christmas, and that I was un-ironically excited to attend the show. (I went, by the way, and IT WAS AWESOME.) I effectively obliterated whatever “cool” points I’d amassed (none) in my unabashed love for awful pop songs.
That said, I’ve never gotten on the Taylor Swift train. Like, ever.
At least not until her latest two singles. But I’m so in love with "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" and "Trouble" that I just went ahead and bought her latest album. Millions of others can’t be wrong, right?
Regardless of how you feel about "Red," it’s shattered records for album sales, garnered the star a boatload of money, is one of the hottest concert tours, and, yes, falls victim to some awesomely-bad pop lyric tropes.
To be fair, pop music is never intended to actually be deep. It’s supposed to be fun! It’s that in being fun, half the time the song lyrics are nonsense, and the other half of the time they’re embarrassingly bad. But the good kind of bad. Let’s start with a few from country queen Taylor, shall we?
The lyric: Loving him was red/Yeah, yeah, red/We're burning red/And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head/Comes back to me, burning red/Yeah, yeah/His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
The verdict: Taylor will not be winning awards for her metaphors anytime soon.
The lyric: Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city/And all you're ever gonna be is mean/Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me/And all you're ever gonna be is mean/Why you gotta be so mean?
The verdict: The the now-infamous “I’ma let you finish” Kanye West incident inspired this song… but on a positive note, Kanye West is having a baby!
The lyric: 'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter/And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"/But you were everything to me/I was begging you, "Please don't go"
The verdict: If they were really Romeo and Juliet, then Taylor and her beau would have met and fallen in love in the span of one day, Taylor would be 13, their story would end by them both committing suicide, and a bunch of other people would have died as a result of them trying to get together. Also, a scarlet letter gets thrown in the mix, so there’s adultery? Or something? But it does sound nice, and I applaud literary references.
Don’t worry, Taylor. You’re in good company:
- "If the light is off/Then it isn’t on." — Hilary Duff, So Yesterday
- "Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want/So tell me what you want, what you really, really want/I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want/So tell me what you want, what you really, really want/I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)/I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah." — Spice Girls, Wannabe
- "Your body looks so sick/I think I caught the flu." — Britney Spears, (Drop Dead) Beautiful
- "You’re out of this world/Except you’re not green." — Justin Timberlake, Nothin’ Else
- "You’re my shining star/That is what you are." — Backstreet Boys, Shining Star
- "I don't know what's gotten into me/But, I think I know what it is" — Jessica Simpson, I Think I'm In Love With You
- "New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits/Chinese food makes me sick/And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer/I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch." — LFO, Summer Girls
- "Now this hot girl/She's not your average girl/She's a morpharotic dream from a magazine." — O-Town, Liquid Dreams
- "See, I'm talking bout the future y'all/And the future looks bright/Especially when we rip in half/Here it comes, millennium/And everybody's talkin’ ‘bout Jerusalem. " — NSYNC, Space Cowboy (Yippe-Yi-Ya)
- "Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da/Gitchi gitchi ya ya here/Mocha chocalata ya ya/Creole Lady Marmalade." — Pink/Christina Aguilera/Mya/Missy Elliot/Lil Kim, Lady Marmalade (remake)
Long live non-sense lyrics.