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Girl Scout Cookies

It’s here! It’s here! Girl Scout cookie season is here!

Sort of. It’s that time of the year where you put your Girl Scout cookie orders in and start salivating over the thought of them, wishing you had them in your possession now, but getting bummed out that you don’t. And then in early March a cookie god or goddess descends upon you and brings forth the delicious boxes of cookies that you’d forgotten you ordered, and it is beautiful. So I asked around, and here are our team's favorites (and not-so-favorites)!

The winners, from third to first place!

Do-si-dos: In third place, we have Do-si-dos, the crunchy peanut butter cookies with peanut butter filling. They are delicious, reminiscent of Nutter Butters (only round), and anyone who says they wouldn’t eat these if they were put in front of them is a liar, or possibly allergic to peanuts. Do-si-dos could totally be the all star, if the other choices weren’t so amazingly delicious.

Samoas/Tagalongs: It’s tough to be almost-best, but it’s better when someone shares the title with you. Our team voted equally for Tagalongs, a chocolate-covered peanut butter patty with a crunch, and Samoas, a caramel and chocolate cookie, covered in toasted coconut. My mouth is watering just thinking about them. Eating one of either cookie is like having a party in your mouth.

Thin Mints: Thin Mints are universally loved, like puppies and warm blankets and free money, so it's no surprise that it was our team's favorite, by a landslide. We're all smitten for the cool mint and sweet chocolate combination. Eat them as is or toss them in the freezer, I don’t care; just put them in my mouth.

The losers, in no particular order, because they got literally zero votes.

Trefoil/Shortbread: The only thing this boring cookie has going for it is that it’s shaped like the “iconic” Girl Scout trefoil logo. Other than that, if you’re going to eat a shortbread cookie, shouldn't it be forced on you by your grandma? Or, at the very least, be chocolate-coated?

Thanks-A-Lot: Which brings us to the Thanks-A-Lot cookie, a shortbread cookie with a chocolate bottom. Better, but still not great. I imagine the cookie got its name after a particularly heated cookie-tasting party at the cookie factory. They were all supposed to sample the cookies, and this guy named Mark was late. When he showed up, the cookie trays were nearly barren. “Oh, hey, Mark…” one of his brave co-workers said. “We weren't sure if you were coming, but we saved you those shortbread cookies. And look, some of them even have chocolate on them!” Mark, ever the passive aggressive cubicle mate, muttered, “Thanks a lot” even though he really meant “I hate you, and you’re the worst, just like these cookies.”

Lemonades: Formerly lemon chalet crèmes, Lemonades are a dollop of lemon cream between two vanilla wafers. Why not just slap two pieces of cardboard together between a squirt of lemon juice? Cheaper, and probably no real decipherable change in taste.

Savannah Smiles: I've never had a Savannah Smiles, but from the picture, it looks oddly crumbly (not in the good way, like a cake) and it’s dusted with powdered sugar, so it’s sure to either ruin your favorite black shirt for the day or leave you with sugar around your mouth that no one tells you about, or both.

Thank U Berry Munch: I like puns, but nobody will be thankful after eating this cookie. It’s a cookie with cranberries in it, probably in an attempt to mask as “less indulgent” as a chocolate treat. Nobody's fooled. The cookies have white fudge, the less-delicious milk or dark chocolate counterpart. As a bonus, according to the website, these cookies also come with “a touch of tartness.” Just what I always wanted in a cookie!

Mango Cremes: I’m super glad there’s finally a mango/vanilla/coconut cookie that I've always dreamed about, said no one, ever.

Dulce de Leche: These cookies are described as “bite-sized,” and I’m sorry, but I’m not here for a “bite-sized” anything. Even though they have milk caramel chips, which are great, the cookies are small, and we all lose when that happens.

Let it be known that in the game of Girl Scout cookies, there really are no losers. Put any Girl Scout cookie in front of someone, and they’ll probably eat it.