There are so many sitcoms I used to watch and love as a kid. They were wholesome! They were funny! They kept me out of my family's hair for at least a good 30 minutes! I may have loved them then, but that doesn't mean I'd still love them today. Here are four shows I was obsessed with as a kid, and now totally regret trying to re-watch as an adult.
"Full House" is the ultimate '90s sitcom offender. The cheesy intro, the live studio audience, the puns, and that music. You know the music I'm talking about. Something bad has happened and one of the girls needs to have a stern talking to, or they need to learn a life lesson — which, in turn, means we need to learn a life lesson. That soft music starts up and it's not long before you're learning why it's not okay to give in to peer pressure or why we should all just be ourselves. And then everything is perfectly resolved and they all live happily ever after.
As a kid, this format worked perfectly. You got a couple of laughs, and you also learned something (to its credit, "Full House" did tackle subjects like loss). It wasn't complex, it was wrapped up in 20 minutes, and it usually had a happy ending. As an adult, this format is cloying to the point where you're lucky if you make it past the first few minutes of an episode.
Saved by the Bell
Whenever people talk about "Saved by the Bell," they typically forget one crucial element: Zach Morris can stop time. Why is no one shocked by this? It's just widely accepted as something he can do so he can talk to the audience, but why is there an audience to begin with? Why is this experience being filmed? Why can't anyone else see the cameras?
The plot holes in this show are never-ending. Remember that season when Kelly and Jessie mysteriously disappear, only to be replaced by a girl named Tori? Then it's like it never happened the next season. Also: Screech has a robot with artificial intelligence, and somehow he's not a mega-millionaire?! Still, I guess I can't hate too much, because the show gave us one of the greatest television moments of all time when Jessie had her epic caffeine pill meltdown.
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
The premise of "Sabrina" on its own is a little out there. A 16-year-old girl living with her aunts and their cat finds out she's a witch and chaos ensues. You go into the show knowing it won't be your stereotypical family sitcom, and that's okay. But man, "Sabrina" really takes things to another level with its implausibility. Random celebrities show up, and the rules of magic are never the same from one episode to the next. Plus, it's so FRUSTRATING, because Sabrina can literally never do any of her magic right and she's always, always getting in trouble/learning a lesson.
As a kid, Sabrina's issues makes sense, because you're supposed to believe that when you defy your parental figures, things will go wrong. As an adult, I want to shake Sabrina and ask her why she's torturing herself with all of these magical rules. For how much trouble it gets her into — you know, turning her boyfriend into a frog, her mother into a candle, and locking her father in a book — you'd think she'd just give up.
All I remember about this show is that it was about a bunch of kids on some dude ranch. It centered around the ranch's staff, made up of two boys and two girls, and whatever obstacles came along with working there.
Interestingly, this was one of the few shows I watched as a kid that didn't use a laugh track. I didn't mind it then, but seeing it now makes it so much worse. There's no buffer between one awkward, unfunny "joke" and the next. On a positive note, Christine Taylor ("Arrested Development," "Zoolander," and Ben Stiller's wife) was on the show. But that's kind of the last redeeming quality of the show, at least when you're watching as an adult. Sorry.
To be fair, I really did love every single one of these shows when I was a kid... which makes me think, man, I was easy to please. Those '90s sitcoms would be super proud that they taught me a lesson: leave the things you loved as a kid in the past where they belong.