I'm one of those people who kind of loves holiday music. Around this time of the year, I'm guilty of swapping my Pandora stations to play Christmas songs and I've even purchased entire holiday albums (hi, 2000 Christina Aguilera album "My Kind of Christmas").
I don't cringe when I hear holiday songs in the stores (even if it is before Thanksgiving) and I won't turn the radio off no matter how many times I've heard that particular song.
Except when it comes to five of them. I present to you my list of the five absolute worst holiday and Christmas songs of all time.
#5: "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer"
So I don't actually hate this song. I even understand the appeal of it for kids. In fact, I actually thought this song was hilarious when I was little. But as an adult, it's certainly not my favorite holiday song. If I never heard it again, I'd be fine with that.
#4: "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas"
This song is a bit unrealistic (who thinks they can just ask for a hippo?) and rude — to Santa, to the girl's parents, and to whatever unfortunate hippo would have to be this little girl's pet. Hippos aren't supposed to be pets, y'all!
#3: "Dominick the Donkey"
I'm just thankful that my first time hearing this song was when I was a teenager because, quite frankly, any time after my first listen is too many times. This is an awful mess of a song. I hate the sounds donkeys make but somehow, I hate the sound of humans trying to imitate donkeys in a holiday song even more.
#2: "All I Want for Christmas Are My Two Front Teeth"
I don't know whether this song sung by kids or adults is worse, but it's overall just bad. I'm sure it's somehow probably a little cute when 1) it's your kid singing it and 2) they don't have any front teeth. But it's so obnoxious otherwise that I'm just plain not interested, thanks.
#1: "The Christmas Shoes"
This tune by NewSong so desperately wants everyone to feel something that it's a bit insulting. The song is apparently based on an email chain letter passed around in the '90s. Remember how awful chain letters were? Yeah, they're even worse when sung. Congrats, NewSong! This is the worst holiday song ever.